There are No Fireworks!

After you read, listen to this: Playing the Game of Life – Alan Watts

Where are the fireworks?

I wake up on some days, still waiting to experience that magical “I have made it” feeling. Eagerly anticipating the light from the fireworks to light up the dark sky, the glitter to fall from the ceiling and for some deep Morgan Freeman type voiced-narrator to say

” Congratulations Benjamin Jacob Mmari, you sir, have arrived.

You are here now, you made it!!”.

But the thing is – this never happens.

But I followed all the rules 😦

I did everything right though , I went to good schools, I worked my ass off, I got good grades.

-Still no fireworks-

I applied for the top University in Africa, I got in, I moved to Cape Town (oh my beautiful Cape Town) studied my ‘passion’, passed with flying colours (in minimal time as well)

-Still, no fireworks-

Then I got a well-paying job straight out of varsity, I aced my KPIs, I nailed the performance reviews, I made clients happy, I received bonuses.

-Still no fireworks-

Then I quit my job out of frustration, I focused on my own company, followed my childhood ‘dream’ (I’ve honestly always wanted to be my own boss).

Yet still no damn fireworks, no glitter… no Morgan Freeman 😦

Maybe there are no fireworks

See, a lot of us seem to have this absolutely twisted idea that we are continually working towards something, and that when we get it – everything will make sense, we will be happy, we will have arrived. But the thing is, you are not going anywhere (you better snap out of it now), you have always been exactly where you are supposed to be, since day 1 (weird concept isn’t it…, but essentially yes, when you were a baby, staring into the sky, pooping in your diapers – that was exactly where/who you were supposed to be).

But I was told to keep working towards these fireworks

When you don’t have something, you think getting it will set you free (from whatever crazy demons you are facing), but then as soon as you get it, you automatically jump onto the next thing, without even realizing it. This is essentially the story our lives, and the way we are raised doesn’t help us either.  Every phase of our life seems to be in preparation for the next phase – I wasn’t in pre-school just to be in pre-school – No, I was there to prepare for primary school (fireworks). I wasn’t in Varsity just to be in Varsity – No, I was there to prepare for life in the working world (fireworks). I wasn’t even in church just to be in church, a large part of what we believe in has to do with preparation for the elusive next phase of life a.k.a Heaven a.k.a FIREWORKS!!!!.

So don’t hold your breath because even (our concept of ) heaven is filled with these elusive fireworks – I mean really guys, how long can people sing and dance and eat milk and honey for?? (and I’m actually lactose intolerant btw:/ ) 

Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks…

You are only really fooling yourself

I’m no psychologist, but I think we do this just to fool ourselves, we like living for the idea of tomorrow, we like working towards a climax.The only issue is that because the feeling we get from reaching this climax only lasts so long, our mind desperately needs to cling onto something else, in order to trick us into wanting to carry on living. Mr Cerebrum, you sir, are so damn conniving.

You didn’t ask to be here

Let’s face it, you didn’t ask to be here.

You were forced through 9 months of being a helpless parasite only to be popped out into reality, just when you were starting to get comfortable, entering this world from the womb of an unsuspecting woman, fathered by a man who didn’t even know you were going to win the race, born into a family of relatives that you had no option in choosing.

Now you are in this crazy-ass world right, you don’t know where the hell you came from (prior to the womb expulsion), you have no clue where you are going afterwards (post your final breath of air) and you don’t even know what do while you are here (bummer..).

And to top it all off, the world doesn’t even give you enough time to think and figure it out, because it is either:

  1. A) Schools are forcing redundant information down your throat and asking you to do trivial repetitive assignments or remember facts about dead white people (why do I need to know when Napoleon and King Charles died …?).

or

  1. B) You constantly need to figure out how on Earth you will make a consistent inflow of money, which you desperately need in order to live this costly life, in this competitive World that you didn’t even ask to be in.

This is why we are waiting for the fireworks

So I mean of course we are going to jump on every little thing that will give us hope in tomorrow, this place it pure madness -we are in desperate need of coping mechanisms. Of course we are going to hang onto every slither of hope that it all gets better, of course we are going to strive for progress improvement and achievement. Of course we are going to keep working towards things and climbing up never-ending ladders. Of course we will keep preparing ourselves for the next golden stage of life. Of course we will. I mean, we need to do something while we are here.

Yet, the fireworks will never come

While you can hope for a better shinier tomorrow,  just don’t forget that this is it, what you have, where you are and what you are doing – this is your life.

There are no fireworks, there is no glitter, there is no Morgan Freeman.

#T4aM

Listen to this : Playing the Game of Life – Alan Watts


“We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infinitesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future. We have no present. Our consciousness is almost completely preoccupied with memory and expectation. We do not realize that there never was, is, nor will be any other experience than present experience. We are therefore out of touch with reality. We confuse the world as talked about, described, and measured with the world which actually is. We are sick with a fascination for the useful tools of names and numbers, of symbols, signs, conceptions and ideas.”

Alan W Watts


 

fireworks-no

4 thoughts on “There are No Fireworks!

  1. This resonates Benji, I think you are approaching the true happiness because it has an absence of perfection and most of the time we are victims of constructing a mental/emotional ideal of the happiness construct while ignoring all that is in front of us.

    Like

    1. “while ignoring all that is in front of us.” -> Word up @Lerato.

      It has and will always be right here in front of us – I’m thankful that I am realizing this now, rather than later. It’s just weird because if I don’t constantly remind myself, then I’ll easily fall back into the trap of expectation.

      Like

  2. Insightful, intriguing and thorough. Nice work. I’m delighted to announce your instant invitation to be one a member of the league of cosmic space Dolphins. You have displayed a knowledge and insight into the essence of life and all matter which forces us (heads of the league of space Dolphins) to invite you to this prestigious group of light beings. We hope you accept our invitation as it will allow you to finally realize your omnipotent and omnipresent abilities as a living creature of this earth and universe.

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    1. Thank you oh great Dolphin-sensai-master-person, I am looking forward to being omnipotent and omniscient. Being omnipresent will really help a lot as well, because I am usually late for things. My inner being is overwhelmed with inexplicable gladness.

      Like

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