I don’t think this is something that can easily be admitted, but the honest truth ladies and gentlemen, is that I Benjamin Jacob Mmari have fallen off the awareness bandwagon, momentarily yes – but fallen off none the less.
So what’s the problem exactly?
Over the past few months:
I have not been allocating myself enough time , I have not been meditating, I have not been taking silent walks in nature, I have not been listening to myself without distractions, without commotion, without all the white noise. I have not been writing, neither blog posts or personal journal entries. I have not been reciting my daily affirmations, I have not been giving gratitudes, I have not been actively curating my speech, thoughts, and emotions. I have not taken the time to actively acknowledge the beauty, wonder, and amazement of the Universe that I live in and am a part of.
…Yeah, that’s a long list neh…..
What have I been doing?
So that is a lot of “have nots” right, so then what exactly have I been doing?:
I been working, I have been grinding, I have been pushing back those hours, clocking in that time, chasing that paper, moving that dope, I’ve been putting bread on the table (hash-tag bestBelieve). But honestly, what good is that bread on the table if my mind is not present during the meal…?
Yes, I have been working my ass off and don’t get me wrong, I love what I do – but in focussing all my time and efforts on this work I have sadly neglected the other aspects of my life. For example, I’ve been ‘reading’ the same book since the beginning of the year – so that’s 4 months up till now. I mean really?? REALLY!! That’s a ridiculous turnaround time, I was averaging at least a book a month last year, so this is really disappointing.
The wake-up call
I was walking to the office during the week recently and halfway into my walk I realized that I was on complete and utter autopilot, an economic zombie brainwashed by The Hustle. I woke up that morning, I mindlessly did my morning routine – washed, breakfasted, left the house, automatically jumped on a train and subconsciously made my way to the office like a robot, without noticing where I was, who I was, what I was doing and why I was doing it.
After this sudden, disappointing and shocking realization, as I continued to walk I started to ask myself some very difficult questions….
- “Where was I going and why was I going there?
- “What am I doing…. And why am I doing it?”
- “What is my reason for living, for being, for breathing?”
…Yes, this got deep, veeery quickly…
See it’s great to be caught up in the hustle and as a loyal and proud hustle-advocate, I commend that by all means – but not to the extent where you are not even conscious of why you are in the hustle to begin with. Otherwise, what’s the point? If you have lost track of where you are, why you are and of the simple fact that you are – then you are in great danger of just using your present situation solely as a means to an end, simply to get somewhere else… and I’m really not about that life of just trying to get ‘there’, I refuse to let the non existent future sell me dreams.
So what needs to change? Well..everything.
I need to meditate regularly again. I need to write more. I need to listen more and think a whole lot less, I need to detach myself from my thoughts and feelings. I need to remember that I am the thinker and not the thought.
I need to embrace the natural world more because currently I am just surrounded by people and machines all day every day, so I really need to go hug a tree, lie on the grass or meditate on a mountain or sooomething, because my inner child feels hella neglected.
I need to be more and want less. This hustle mentality makes you feel like you need to keep vying for the next best thing as and as a result, instead of being grateful and at peace with what you currently have and where you currently are, you end up continuously chasing waterfalls.
The silver lining
One of the positives that I picked up during this micro-pseudo-mid-life crisis is that right now I am exactly where I wanted to be, my life is headed in the direction that I once desired and I know very well that I didn’t arrive here by chance, I got here by listening to my emotions, following my heart and doing what I felt was right, and I’ll definitely need to jump back on that awareness bandwagon if I want this active creation to continue.
“Bring awareness to each act. Walking on the road, walk fully alert; eating, eat with awareness. Whatsoever you are doing, don’t let the past and the future interfere. Be in the present. That’s what awareness is all about.” – OSHO
“The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” – Lao Tzu
“Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.” – Josef Pieper
Dope track -> A New Earth Calling – Ricky Kej