I don’t know


“I don’t know”, a 3 syllable phrase that is a symbol of ignorance, immaturity and maybe even laziness. It is definitely a phrase that I would never have considered uttering in High School (as a Straight A student).It is a phrase that I was slowly introduced to upon entering University (no longer the smartest person in the room). And now, post-academia in the ‘real world’, deep into my mid-twenties, it is a phrase that has certainly become somewhat of a mantra, my morning affirmation, my afternoon meditation, my evening lullaby… “I don’t know, I don’t know.. I don’t know”.

Left Brain vs Right Brain

As terrifying as it may sound, for some reason I sit quite comfortably in this darkness, with this ever so calming ignorance. Because while my left-brain struggles to formulate a 10-point plan, a 5-year career outlook, a 3 wiveable woman shortlist, a comprehensive to-do list, in order to make it feel like it is more in control. My patient right brain continues to send me inconspicuous messages, tips, hints and nudges in the right direction on a daily basis through realizations, gut feelings and emotions. The deeper the silence, the louder the message.

Learn to listen

What I am learning to do now more than ever is to listen, to obey my intuitions and respect my inner nature, because deep down inside resides the answers to my questions, deep within sits the true captain of this ship. He has always known and He will always know. He is always willing to lead me in the right direction, for as long as I am willing to listen. The most ironic part of it all is that when I thought I knew, I actually didn’t and now that I know that I don’t know, is when I realize that I do.

The Knowing

From the moment we are conceived, there is no trying, there is just doing, there is no wanting there is only being. We Know to swim towards the egg, we Know to regulate our blood flow, we Know to exit the womb (yes, some are more eager than others). We don’t try, we don’t plan, we don’t think it through we just do, because we Know.

Losing the connection

Then over time as we grow older and learn the ways of the wicked world, the Knowing subsides and the Thinking increases, the conscious mind takes over the wheel, the Left Brain out maneuvers the Right, the thinker is now the driver and for the first time ever in our lives we become conscious of the fact that we actually don’t know and we actually never knew.

The problem

The problem is that the self-preserving worldly ego that we have gradually developed, who loves to be in control will try his best to assure you that he knows exactly what’s going on. And from then on you start to think of your life as a ‘should be’, a ‘can be’ and a ‘must be’ based on your surroundings and everything that is external to you. You start to follow the crowd, you start to fit into the mold, you start to limit your imagination, you start to restrict your possibilities. You listen to people, you pay attention to the noise, you base your thoughts, opinions and decisions on everything but what you actually feel deep down inside. And while you are out here stressing about which path to choose, which road to take and which direction to follow, silently within you resides the Intelligence that is ready to give you full guidance, if you would only allow it to.

The Eternal Tug of War

As your awareness alternates between thinking and listening, your life becomes a game of tug of war between doing and being, between living and being lived through, between wanting and having, between planning and being guided, between the outer and the inner, between confusion and meaning. And analogous to the tale of two wolves, the wolf that wins is the one that you feed….

What’s the solution

We are all very different and we all have different beliefs and coping mechanism, and rightly so because to each his own.

So I could advise that you take up meditation, I could advise that you do yoga, I could advise that you go for walks, I could advise  that you go hiking, you read, you write, you run, you swim, you travel, you explore. I could advise on a million things (emphasis on could), I could, but I won’t, because at the end of the day these are all just rituals, what you really need to do is to listen and not to speak, to be aware and not to think, you need to be moved and stop trying to do the moving, you need to be and not to do.

However you decide to re-establish that connection, you just need to ensure that you listen, you need to throw out all prior knowledge and expectations, you need to humble yourself, to let down your guards, to forget about your education, you need to set aside your qualifications, you need to leave your ego at the door. You need to listen, the deeper the silence the louder the message. The Universe speaks in mysterious ways, and you will only ever understand that when you follow the path of least resistance.

Final words

It is ok not to know, you will only really know when you stop trying so hard to figure it out, stop talking just listen, stop trying start being.  



4 thoughts on “I don’t know

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